Monday, 8 August 2011

When Jemser, Nodser and Aidan met Maurice and Gwen!

“I was hangin’ out with a few of the lads one night. We’d a few flagons an’ were just horsin’ around when one of the lads, accidently, put a brick through a shop window. He didn’t mean it – we were playin’ toss-the-brick an’ Jemser threw it at Nodser but the stupid bastard let it fly right past him an’ through a window. We were goin’ to run when Jemser pointed out that if we left; some thievin’ bastards might come by an’ steal stuff. So we decide to take all the good stuff an’ bring it home for safe keepin’. Just as we were doin’ this an old fella an’ his daughter walked by on their way to their car. He looked like one of those country squires – he had a tweed jacket an’ a tweed hat but his daughter was a bit of alright, if ya know what I mean!

“Anyway, we were just waiting for them to leave when he came back with a shotgun an’ started threatenin’ us. I wanted to try to lighten the mood a bit so I dropped my pants but the bastard shot me in the arse – the bollocks filled my butt with buckshot.

“But the woman, who turned out to be his wife, came over an’ held me in her arms an’ she smelled wicked, if ya know what I mean! She suggested that I go home with them an’ she would look after me until I got better. I wasn’t goin’ to argue with that, after all, everyone would believe them anyway. “That’s how I first met them. Later on he shot me again but that’s another story!”

An excerpt from a recent interview with Douglas R. Cobb