Yes, Virginia, there really is a rape culture

During the ongoing frenzy surrounding some American judicial appointment which struck me as Political Porn—and it was Political Porn in the true, etymological sense given that “Pornography” was once used to describe the writing about prostitution which has also been defined as “the unworthy or corrupt use of one's talents for personal or financial gain.”—I thought on ways to get out of the quagmire that social/political debate has become.

And in that I had to consider those who line up on either side of the political/social/gender divides. Those whose heartfelt conviction end up being little more than gasoline on a fire that I believe has been lit to distract us from the more nefarious activities of those who really shape our world. And that is not to detract from the validity of those statements and arguments. But they are just that: deeply held convictions about what should be right and what should be normalized.

What concerns me more about all of this is the widening of the divides between people who have far more in common than their “Masters” would want them to realize.

Central to this current “discussion” is whether or not a man can impose himself on a woman with impunity, and if that woman takes so long in coming forward with her allegations, can they be trusted. Never mind all the chatter about the Clintons and the far-left; they are just there to inflame and distract.

My observations on life, be it what I have seen, heard, or read, would say that not only can someone do that but, if they have the necessary influence, they can get away with it and leave their accuser with insult on top of injury.

However, to claim this is a “Man versus Woman” issue is a contortion and one that is contradicted by the number of women who, because of political alignment, publicly support the particular man in this situation. It also discounts the less highlighted issues of the rape of men which happens whether we want to believe it or not.

“Rape,” which was once defined as "to snatch, to grab, to carry off" and was usually accompanied by “Pillage,” is a much wider issue than the matter of sexual violence. It points to the underlying attitudes that are shared by Patrimonies, Aristocracies, Religions, and all those other gatherings of the powerful.

Without minimizing the brutal and dehumanizing impact of rape in the sexual term, considering it as a tool of power should make it easier for more people to galvanize against it. The current view that only men rape—and that other men condone it—serves only to divide and make conquerable.

However, the suggestion that there is a rape culture is impossible to ignore. Not only that, but it is endorsed and enshrined in many of the Bronze Age texts that many claim are the word of their god. Even the Greek Pantheon celebrated the sexual violence of their gods.

From the beginning, rape and pillage, have been central to the way we treat each other, the other life forms we share the planet with, and even the planet itself—Capitalism being the current glorification of snatching, grabbing, and carrying off.

It is central to how we see ourselves and it is, to my mind, the crux of the problem that we must address if we are to avoid the disastrous future we are all hurtling towards. Rape and pillage have been the cornerstones on which our empires have been built—even unto this day. The subjection of others for the sake of our sacred creeds and manifestos is rape and pillage. The extreme behavior of drunken “boys being boys” is rape and pillage, as is regime change, exploitation, genocide and all the things we endorse our governments to do on our behalf.

The use of force can be expeditious and more profitable, but we have often been warned that what goes around, comes around.  We cannot go on endorsing, by consent or disinterest, the widespread use of violence against women, children, men, and then vent our outrage when it is turned on us. We cannot go on celebrating those who use any form of power and force as a weapon.

We cannot go on arguing along political/social/gender lines. We cannot go on venting our outrage and adding to the bonfires lit to distract us. We cannot go dividing ourselves as “Left” or “Right,” “Male” or “Female.” That only leads to division and a weakening of whatever influence we might have. And switching the “brand” of our political representation may not be enough.

We must condemn all “Rape and Pillage.”

Writing about family #3

A few helpful tips on raising writers.

In this ongoing series of posts, I, without expertise, prejudice, or agenda, will share my insights and/or observations on writing about family. The previous posts were on a more general level so in this one, lets dive into the heart of the matter that is children writing about their parents and what parents can do to avoid the worst-case scenarios.

Writing about terrible childhoods has been done to death but as long as people are foolish enough to reproduce, there will be those offspring who will grow to be writers with scores to settle. And there will be readers who will devour the resulting stuff.

Now having been someone’s child, and then someone’s parent, I have an evolving view on both roles. Growing up in Ireland, I often heard the grown-ups use the term: “who is she when she’s at home?” It always struck me as a very peculiar saying until I realized that many of us are not who we think we are and nowhere is that more evident than in the home.

It rings true for all members of a family and primarily for parents who are little more than former children now rearing children with no manual or guide book and only their own parents as role models. It’s little wonder the whole world is going mad.

You see, once upon a time, family was a much more straightforward thing. We had biblical references that glorified the role of the patriarch. We had television shows that laid it out for us, Leave it to Beaver, Father knows best, etc... Parents were wise and sober, understanding and forgiving, and everyone was happy in their appointed roles.

Or so we wished to believe. But then along came exposés and gave us a new culture where all fathers were portrayed as drunken tyrants who took out the frustration of their empty, meaningless lives on their families. Consumer driven mothers were unsatisfied and unfulfilled and managed only by popping pills while children grew up to drop out and tune in. For a number of years, it almost seemed like the most preferred pedigree.

Now here’s a question for you to ponder: were parents so bad back then or were children just whiney?

Of course, outside of the cultural stereotypes most parents get on with their lives as best they can, keeping roofs over heads, food on the tables, and trying to propel the next generation forward. These types of families are better to grow up in, but are not the stuff of riveting sensationalism. Especially in an age where dysfunctionality has become the new normal.

Now there are certain expectations that come with starting a family and being kind to children rates fairly high in most cultures—with a few obvious exceptions. I think this is wise as a general rule if for no other reason than the chance that your child could turn out to be a writer. Sadly, there is no way a parent can know such things when handed their little bundles of responsibility so it might be better to err on the side of caution.

Giving children paper and crayons and locking them in a room with a deadline would probably be frowned on in this age. And it would very likely be misrepresented in the resulting tell-all, resplendent with bug-like drawings of people with frowny faces and all the inherited traumas of life.

Sending your children off to boarding school could be an option for some, but even that does not come with guarantees; more likely a recipe for a tale of abandonment and disinterest.

Indulging your writerly child is also fraught with pitfalls. And, if you have more than one child, there is the matter of balance and equality. You run the risk of being accused of favoritism and while the conflicting views of the resulting tell-alls might drive book sales, you will come out looking badly in all accounts.

Having been a child, and then a parent, I have thought long and hard about this and many of the aspects of family life in general. The old adage that it takes a village to raise a child sounds wonderful but now that we all live in our psychologically gated communities, that becomes less relevant. No, I think the matter requires a new way of thinking for a new age.

Simply put, no one should be allowed to write about their parents until they have had children of their own.

Just wondering who you are

Here is a list of visits to this blog by country

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Now I was wondering who you all are.

Drop by and say "Hi" Peter Murphy

A nice review of The Last Weekend of the Summer

THE LAST WEEKEND OF THE SUMMER by Peter Murphy is a revealing tale of one family brought together in the hopes of healing old wounds before it is too late to ever do so. A loving and slightly quirky matriarch has a secret to share, and wishes her family to come together for one last summer weekend at her lakeside home. Is Gloria dying? Is she finally unable to live on her own?

Emotional and relatable, readers will find at least one character they recognize from their own families! Witness the dynamics, the shortfalls, the personality clashes, and the role each member plays, regardless of the generation they belong to. Then be part of the secret that is revealed, feel the torment, the turmoil, the anger and the love as one family finds growth, change and renewal through healing and reaching out to one another.

Thought provoking, sometimes humorous, sometimes agitating, this is a true slice of life being part of a family of flawed humans.

First published at Tome Tender