I knew this when I sat down to write Lagan Love but I had to.
‘Love’ is the most complicated and misunderstood aspect of
life. It is, according to Christian principles; the greatest virtue! But how
many of us approach it that way? The Beatles sang that it was ‘all you need’
but does neediness have limits? Love has also been the rationale for crimes of
passion and an excuse for irrational behaviours that might otherwise be
unacceptable. Love is, in many ways, similar to, and often enflamed by,
drunkenness!
In too many cases our love-affairs are the breeding grounds
for the worst of our neurosis; our insecurities, selfishness and dependencies.
We look to love for reaffirmation or fulfillment and when we don’t find it, we
blame the object of our love, or love itself. Talk with anyone after a breakup.
How many of us will admit that we entered the now defunct relationship with less
than virtuous aspirations?
Most of us allow the headiness of attraction to cause us to
abandon all sense and literally throw ourselves at someone without really
knowing. The culture of love encourages this. ‘Trust in love,’ we are told over
and over.
The ‘Romance Industry’ does not help, serving up the sweet
delusion of fantasy that makes the reality of failed love all the more bitter.
And we do not limit ourselves to loving persons. We love our
countries even when more rational thought would decry all the stupid things
done in our country’s name. We love our sports teams through long droughts when
their primary interest seems to be the amount of money they can wrangle from
us. We love our Pop Stars and when we are confronted by their human frailties –
we simply ignore them, choosing to see conspiracy or bad press.
We even love our children as they feast on us emotionally
and financially until we wither up into old age – forgotten and useless! However,
we can also love and indulge our grandchildren because it is a chance to get
even with our children!
But you are not supposed to say all of this aloud. That
would be bitterness or cynicism – the tell-tale scars of failed love.
The scars of love, mine and others, were one of the reasons
why I had to write Lagan Love. I had to take the sacred cow that is love and have
a long hard look at it through the lens of my characters. They loved each other
in all the ways we see around us and yet find disturbing on the page. We do not
like to see love sullied by reality – preferring instead that they all live
happily ever-after!
Love endures in fantasy and reality and I think it is a good
time to examine it all. In Lagan Love I try to present love in
its many forms and allow the reader to associate or reject them as they see
fit. I believe in love but I also believe that there is a Yin and Yang to it
all. Love has a dark side that is cruel and unforgiving and I think that if we
keep that in mind – we have a far better chance of finding our way through the
forest of emotions that we confuse with love.
